I’ve been thinking about judgement a lot lately. Society is a judgmental bunch. We judge people, including ourselves, on a daily basis without any consideration to the pain, discomfort and negativity we are creating.

From the clothes people wear, to the jobs they have, to what they’ve eaten for breakfast or whether they spank their kids, to what books they enjoy reading, or friends they keep. We’re a judgmental sort and it sucks but it’s here to stay.

Everyone judges in one way or another. The difference is how we react to our own judgments and the judgement of others. Studies have shown that our own judgements of others reflect who we really are and that’s both a frightening and comforting revelation at the same time. If you’re in a good mood, you tend to judge others more positively. Having a shitty day? Watch out because some nasty thoughts are just around the corner.

So what does that have to do with writing?

Glad you asked!

Us writers, put our words out into the world hoping readers will love our work. In a perfect world everyone would love everything but that would be boring and it would get tiring. We are born with different tastes, likes, dislikes, preferences. These differences corner us into our judgmental natures without us really being conscious of what we’re doing. That’s natural. Fucked up, but natural.

As a writer not everyone is going to like what you write. As a person, not everyone is going to like you. Do you like everyone you meet? Every book you read? Movie you watch? Clothing you see in the store?

Unlikely.

Or are you one of those annoying people who claim to just loooovvvvee everything?

Our likes and dislikes add to our three dimensional existence. I don’t like celery much. Does that make celery bad? No, just not to my liking. Does celery stop selling because I don’t like it? No, there are millions of others who enjoy it or tolerate it and it stays comfortable in the fresh food aisle of the supermarket for the supports of adding it to everything from salads to stir fries (cringe as I write this). Ok, so a ridiculously stupid example but I assume you get the drift.

Simple.

Get over it.

You don’t need everyone to like you, nor do you need everyone to like your words. Do you think everyone loves EL James – um, no they don’t. But it doesn’t matter because just as many, if not more, love her. How about Oprah Winfrey? She’s an amazing human being, a powerful woman who has achieved so much against many odds. Is the world her fan? Well, sort of. But no, she’s got lovers and haters. It’s inevitable in any industry, even the industry of life.

You are never ever going to please everyone you come in contact with whether directly or indirectly. It’s ridiculous to even bother trying. The harder you aim for perfection, the worse you’re going to feel.

Someone is always going to speak negatively about you, your actions, your words, your behaviour. It’s human nature. You know yin and yang, love and hate, black and white, two sides of one coin. Stop trying to change what isn’t within the realms of your control.

So why do we continue aiming for perfection when it doesn’t exist?

Perfection is a blocker. It stops us from getting what we want and studies have shown that it can lead to debilitating health issues including anxiety and depression.

Writer’s block? Maybe you’re trying to impress a too wide audience. Impress yourself first. Then consider your ideal audience. Even then, not all are going to like what you bring to the market. They don’t have too. Are you happy with what you’ve produced? Is it marketable? Is a fraction of your audience going to love it? Then you’re done. Move on.

This doesn’t just relate to writing. It can be applied to most businesses or goals you might have. Aim for perfect and you’ll just burn out, drive yourself nuts, or never achieve your dreams. Perfection may seem attainable but it can more often than not be disastrous.

Remember, you can always improve with time. No one started out with a perfect product or service. Neither will you because perfection isn’t real.

At some point in your career, in your life, in your writing, a nasty person will come along and tell you that you suck. It’s their opinion. They’re entitled to it. Just as you’re entitled to smile, politely say thank you and bid them a good day, even if you think what you’ve created or provided is perfect.

What matters more is how you handle these judgements. Are you going to brush them off? Or are you going to let them get in the way of following your wildest dreams?

The choice is yours.

I’ve been letting people’s judgements, including my own, get in the way of what I want to do, who I want to be, where I want to go. I’ve wasted so many years of my life worrying about what people will think that’s it’s paralysed me and prevented me from being where I want to be. The only person I have to blame is myself.

When you start getting haters in any industry it often means that you’re succeeding. It’s a weird thought that took me a while to get my head around but it’s true. The more successful you are in what you do, the more people you come in contact with. That variety of individuals will include your supporters and your opposers. Which ones are you going to listen to?

The only time you should worry about the haters is if you’re doing something wrong. Are you hurting someone? Are you being nasty? Defamatory? Rude? Obnoxious? Chauvinistic? Then take note and consider a self-improvement course. Otherwise just shake it off.